"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
