Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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