I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
