first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
