you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
