that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
