I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
