So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
