I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Will exercising make me less horny?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
