At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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