I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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