He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize