Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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