Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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