This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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