Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
