tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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