I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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