So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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