There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
where are my eyebrows?
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