there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
