a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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