also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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