A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
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