You can't motorboat a personality
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
