I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
it hurts more in the daytime
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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