Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
