when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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