a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
