Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
