We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
