I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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