I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
