I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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