The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
