Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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