Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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