im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
