well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
