this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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