it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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