you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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