You're completely useless in the revolution.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
