cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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