um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
