shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
