I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
