When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
