Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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