She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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