What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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