connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
