somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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