no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
