Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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