everyone is single if you try hard enough
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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