So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
