When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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