I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize