While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
