belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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