Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Randomize
