im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
