You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
