i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
