First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
