Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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