I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize