belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
