you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
