i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize