There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
