Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
