kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
