I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize