So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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