I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
