He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
