Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
