you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
