Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
