ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
