I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
