So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
