She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
