my mouth tastes like poor choices
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize