She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
